“The Way Of The Superior Man” – Authenticity, Relationships, Personal Boundaries, Increasing Your Value, Growth and Success
“Man is free at the moment he wishes to be”
“The Way of the Superior Man” by David Deida, is a book all young males should read. We live in a digital age where there are a million sources telling you how you should act as a man, and a woman. Strong, happy male role models, and role models in general are always hard to find.
It is true humans are flawed, we make mistakes, we hurt and undermine others and ourselves, and we all lie, have outbursts, and make questionable choices, but the people we choose to look up to ultimately shape us to varying degrees. Whilst having a role model is great, it is important to pick and choose to see the best in all people nevertheless, replicate their strengths within your own psyche, and understand where people lack understanding and improving your own faults and weaknesses.
There are certain key topics within the realm of “being a man” (A broad and vague term) which are important if your aim is to be a damn good role model for your friends, family and people you meet. Leaving a lasting impression on someone in a positive way, comes back full circle. Being an embodiment of masculinity, independence and strength, whilst nurturing your compassion, love, and understanding of all sentient beings will make you happier, healthier, more successful in your work and play and will ultimately leave a mark on the world with the potential for a positive ripple effect.
In this article we are going to look at “How to be a Superior Man” in a general sense, but also in terms of relationships. Human beings are social creatures and the relationships we have with others, is equally important to the relationship we have with ourselves. The more consistent the relationship with ourselves is with the relationships we have with others, the more you will know if you are on the right path.
Becoming The Superior Man
Part 1 – The Everyday Man
1. The only thing constant, is change. Be willing to change EVERYTHING.
- This point really tests a mans resolve and groundedness in their own confidence. Most people fear change and the unknown because it is foreign, unfamiliar and may be worse than our current situations. Whilst this can all be true, change is constant and our adaptability to this change is usually what ends up defining us.
- If you are willing and excited about change, this is a sign that you have a strong sense of self sustainability, and a mental aptitude to extrapolate your life in a positive manner. You see opportunity instead of losses, and an appreciation for the past in paving a road to the future.
- Respect, listen, but in the end always follow your gut.
- Everyone has a right to their opinion and has freedom of speech. Every idiotic thing you have ever heard was formed largely through modalities and circumstances that largely can’t be controlled. Uneducated opinions are propagated through turbulent environments, and passed down via mimicry and over exposure. Whilst everyone has their own opinion, it does not mean you have to be swayed by everything you hear. Infact, to believe anything you hear outright is naive, and words are often the camouflage to the inner workings of people. We all lie numerous times a day from little white lies to protect someone’s feelings to larger more damaging ones we employ to keep our secrets vaulted up.
- Give yourself more time to respond to a situation where you need to make a big decision. Spending alone time reflecting and not focused on anything else but how you are feeling is key to analyzing and listening to your gut.
- Your body is a highly analytical and evolved. Not listening to your instinct is something that in “cave men times” could have gotten you killed, and has been highly refined through evolution since then. Being a superior man means shutting out all external opinions and methods to sway you, and following your instinct and self directed thoughts.
3. Choose your passions and pursuits wisely
- If you had all the time and money in the world, what would you be doing right now. Your passions and pursuits are the only real purpose you have and the biggest proponent to your personal satisfaction and happiness. If you are not doing something you are passionate about, are working towards doing something you are passionate about, or following your own pursuits in your spare time, you are not living true to the code of the superior man.
- You may have a lot of varying passions but spreading yourself too thin is also not conducive. Pick a passion you want to become a “master” in and keep the rest for hobbies and side jobs when time permits. Your main passion should be the one that you nurture the most, and effectively making it your “day job” should be the end goal.
Part 2 – The Social Man
- Your purpose is paramount over your relationships
- You are a goal oriented man with a fire burning inside you. You are in the zone when working on your projects and work and nothing can sidetrack you once you’ve dedicated and allocated that certain time of the day to focus on that. Superior men have a higher sense of personal integrity and values and will only allow himself to relax and unwind once he has made good on his daily commitments to himself.
- This means not sacrificing your routine for anything that doesn’t require your immediate attention. This does not mean become a reclusive hermit who leaves all of his friends, and family out to dry, it just means telling your date you are busy on a friday when you are indeed busy, or telling a buddy you can’t “grab a beer” on a busy work-day because you need to squeeze in time to meditate and hit the gym.
2. In relationships, you make the decisions. The feminine hates making decisions
- We’ve all been at that point where we are with a female friend, girlfriend, wife, spouse, partner (the feminine can be male too), and it takes 30 minutes to decide where to eat, or what to do. Infact i’ve lost out on a couple opportunities with women in my past by beating around the bush and being indecisive about where I stand or even in making plans. Whilst at the time, I was relaxed and patient it was deeply infuriating for girls involved. This is something women (and all people really) hate.
- To be a superior man, make a decision or a plan and stick to it. If indecisiveness arises, squash it with bold decisions whilst keeping your lady friend in mind. 99% of the time, women want to be led and it requires a certain level of confidence in making decisions. Practice this whilst being mindful of all parties involved, and save yourself some wasted time and potentially wasted opportunities.
3. What she says, is not what she means
- Have you ever had a girl give you a shit test? It is a layered question where the answer to the question is not what she is looking deeper into, but the way in which you answer. It’s usually meant to test your confidence, or wit, but in the context of a developed relationship its to see how much you are actually paying attention.
- For example, if your girlfriend left her scarf at the mall one day and when you ask if she wants to go back and get it, she replies with “No, no it’s okay” there’s more than likely a deeper meaning to it. If you respond with “Okay sounds good” you pretty much are signifying that you have no idea what shes trying to discretely communicate to you and are a moron (just kidding). “No, no it’s okay” could mean “Hey, I need a little reassurance that we can go back” or “I’m going to go back anyways tomorrow and look for it, I want to see how persistent you are in wanting to go get it right now, thus showing me how much you care”. It can also mean that its actually okay, albeit somewhat rarer within the context.
- Again being the man and the decision maker, and with the feminine hating decisions, appropriate answers could be, “No, no lets go look right now whilst we are still close to the mall” or “Let’s go home and we can phone the customer service desk at the mall to see if its in the lost and found” or something along those lines. These answers take initiative and signify you are in charge of any situation no matter how big or small.
- When a girl you are just getting to know gives you a shit test that has a negative connotation (aka if shes trying to diss you to see how you react), brush it off and respond with something cheeky or humorous. Defusing a shit test question will increase the attraction and signify that you are a superior man who is laid back, relaxed and have a developed sense of self, maturity and boundaries. If you get deeply offended, you are signifying you are insecure, and if you get angry or on edge you are signifying you have no emotional control.
4. You are responsible for the growth and intimacy of developing your relationships
- You cannot always expect someone else to have plans laid out for you. Whether this is a friendship or relationship, contrary to the belief that “It should be natural”, it is hard work maintaining relationships for even for the most social of butterflies.
- In terms of women, you are not going to escalate a relationship very far by following her lead. She doesn’t want to lead, she doesn’t want to come and ask you out, she doesn’t want to suggest plans all the time. She wants to see if you have the balls to do any of these yourself. She wants to be lead by you and led to excitement, possibility an adventure. The more fulfilling you have cultivated your life to be according to your values and doing the things you want to do, the more adventure and fun you will be able to show anyone who decides to tag along.
Well Rounded Men
Whilst becoming a “Superior Man” is more of a selfish pursuit, these selfish pursuits can be used to accelerate your life in all areas. You will be happier, and thus more social, more social and thus more involved, more involved thus open to more possibilities. People tend to operate based on momentum and having a positive momentum is key in ascending to becoming fulfilled and happy as a man. We don’t get manuals on how to have a relationship or what we should do for work to be happy and financially independent, and we largely have to learn through trial an error.
Having direction and guidance to work off of, role models that are poised and determined, and an ecosystem created and tuned by ourselves and our values and beliefs gives us greater influence over our lives.
Becoming a Superior Man takes trial and error, but should be a corner stone goal for all men on the journey for self betterment.